Realizations – The152Girl

New Filled With Nostalgia

2025 brought lots of newness into our life. One of which was moving into our new home, in a new area of London, and adopting a fully suburban life.

The landscape of this area is characteristically hilly, and there are leafy residential roads all around. Our house is located near the top of one of the hills, and the drive home overlooks a valley full of oaks & beeches, dotted with many good-looking houses that have generous rear gardens and deep driveways. We often go down a slope and climb up another just to meet local friends! The views from upper-floor windows of most houses must be spectacular no matter the direction. Naturally, it’s been a big change from what we were used to seeing around us for over two decades – tall apartment buildings, taller offices, hustle-bustle of people, noise of cars & sirens, and just the busyness of a city life. And to suddenly have birds chirp at me in the mornings, squirrels come in to say hello or have a neighbourhood fox visit our garden – it’s a huge visual adjustment that we hadn’t fully anticipated, honestly!

That said, the biggest change of the past year has been to get our son to start nursery. And this adjustment was an emotional rollercoaster. The timing of it couldn’t have been any more challenging and overwhelming. We got him to start roughly two weeks after we moved in to the new place. It is heartbreaking no matter the age they start nursery at, and no amount of preparation can stop the tears on day 1 (or 2 or 3…).

Well, it was tough I won’t lie. I will borrow the famous words of Michael Rosen (author of the book We Are Going on a Bear Hunt): “We can’t go over it. We can’t go under it. Oh no! We’ve got to go through it!” to say, we have somewhat got through the tough part, I think. Maybe.

A part of the whole nursery drop-off / pick-up experience was (still is) doing the up-down on the slopes around here. His nursery is located down the hill from us; most times it’s a car ride doing the work but sometimes it is a walk too. It’s a steep gradient for a kid to walk, and so far he’s shown no qualms about it – he enjoys the slow walk every few days, notices the new flowers and changing colours of leaves on the way, picks up small stones for his ongoing collection and mostly talks about which route he’d prefer to take on his way back (because let’s be honest, coming back home is the most exciting part about going to nursery after all).

And so, besides the visual and emotional adjustments, there was this aspect of a physical adjustment with this new place. The walk to-fro train station is roughly 18mins now, along a slope-y road; the nursery-runs offer a good cardio on a 15-degree incline every few days; and of course the visits to the parks & huge playgrounds add to the joy of movement with an active 3yo in tow.

All of this brings me to a conversation with Amma, one evening, when I was discussing (ok, sighing!) about how this new life is so new in so many ways. And she was rather surprised when I explained all of the above towards what I meant by “new”. She smiled, and said, to the contrary, all this reminded her entirely of how and where I spent the first few years of my life!

And just like that, scenes from my childhood played slowly in front of my eyes like a film on a reel.

We lived in this little township in the interiors of an eastern state in India. The place sat in the lap of the dense & hilly Saranda Forest that covers the regional belt, rich in iron ore and other minerals. Our surroundings were made up of tall Sal trees, and others like Mahua and Jamun. I used to cross a hillock to go school every day, because taking the ‘pukka’ road meant a longer but boring walk. Going up and down the township slopes was how we kids played, in fact it was how we went anywhere at all – be it to the shops or friends’ homes. Elephants were a common sighting given the jungles were near by, but foxes at night were a common, albeit scary, sight too!

With a sudden rush of emotions, I realised all this newness around me had been washed over with paints of utter nostalgia! I was also marvelling at my own forgetfulness of how I never put this together myself. I should have seen the similarities. I lived in those hills once as a carefree kid, and now perhaps as a mum I was too close, too occupied, and too lost in my world, scrambling from one day to another, to really see any of it.

It definitely felt like a full circle moment – to be building a life in a little corner of London that resembles a life I led over three decades ago in another part of the world!

So, this is what I want to leave you with – my twopence worth: sometimes we need to zoom out a little to be able to make sense of the patterns (we are making) that are impossible to see when we’re standing too close. And the process might bring what truly matters back into focus: that life is often less about finding new answers and more about rediscovering the ones we’ve been carrying with us all along.

from Toddlerhood to Parenthood

I am reading about toddler behaviour patterns on a website dedicated to introducing food to kids, and it talks about how after turning 1, babies quickly transition into the toddler age group, develop a host of new skills, and are brimming with big ideas all the time!

It said, “Imagine you have a big idea but no words to describe it, or you are thirsty but don’t know how to ask for water—this is a toddler’s life every day, and it’s incredibly frustrating for them. It’s frustrating to have big ideas, big feelings, and big needs but limited language to express them.”

While this may not be entirely true about Kannalu; he’s far more expressive and clearer in his expression for a large number of things, I find myself thinking about me for a second there reading these lines.

I get big feelings, big emotions too and I behave exactly like they describe. I find myself at a loss for words, my language gets limited and I am barely able to express when feeling those big feelings, and turn into a big ball of tears, sometimes in frustration.

It’s an aha moment – I’m still a toddler, toddling through life!

And then I think about myself as a parent to a toddler and how empathetic I should be towards Kannalu when he is dealing with his big feelings, big ideas! Immediately, I promise myself that I will display even more patience towards him from the very next second.

[Context: Right this moment, as I type this, I have barely any space on the bed, given the various angles Kannalu’s body is making across the bed – but patient I shall be!]

And then, I think of Amma Nanna – as parents to my toddler self; and I’m filled with such empathy and an overwhelming sense of gratitude towards them – for putting up with my big feelings all through these years, with such loving patience!

“Kya hua bolo” rings in my ears in Amma’s voice, or “arrey Ramya Garu” in Nanna’s voice, while I would to try to find words to say whatever it is that I was feeling.

Life has come a full circle, it feels!

I go back to completing the article, Kannalu’s arm almost in my face and I’m struggling to keep my eyes open.

But in the next second, I sit up as this is one of those rare times when I manage to catch the words as they pop inside my head to describe the big feelings I felt just now, and fervently type them out, lest they disappear behind the well of tears I sense rising inside.

“I must tell Amma Nanna this feeling I’m feeling…” and a sense of relief seeps in as I’m done typing. Phew! That was close.

Maybe one day, I will also tell Kannalu about all this toddling business of mine. Until then though, I decide there’ll only be one toddler between the two of us 🤍

A Friday Afternoon

2:00pm on a Friday : I stifle a yawn as I stare at my to-do list on the table, clearly indicating my interest in those items. I try to shield my eyes from that bright yellow post-it pad and look at the distant sight outside the window. The cloud cover and tiny droplets on the panes tempt me further to pull out the book I’m carrying in my bag, and dare into a mid-day slumber on my rather comfortable recliner!

I see two colleagues pass by, murmuring at the printed sheets in their hands, and about ‘GeniusIT’ not producing the right numbers. I recognise one of them and we exchange customary smiles. I chuckle inside my head at the ironic name we’ve chosen for a system that is unable to produce what we want! Perhaps calling it ‘GuessIt’ is better suited, at least if not the numbers, it will stand true to its name. I smirk at my own joke, before regaining composure, and decide to get back to my excel sheets.

A few minutes later, I look at the light drizzle outside the window again. Small droplets begin to slide against the panes. I smile to myself thinking, London won’t remain the same if it doesn’t drizzle as lightly as is naturally possible, at least once a day! And, it can prove to be some fun when you don’t have to rush somewhere. I lightly stretch and stare at the changing shapes of the clouds. Locking my computer screen, I rummage for my tiny umbrella in the bag and make my way to the door in quick steps. Crossing the turnstile downstairs, I smile at the familiar face of our security guard. ‘Have a good weekend!’, he politely wishes as I spring open my umbrella and turn left outside the big glass doors. The small raindrops begin to pitter-patter on my umbrella, and my mind begins to play names like from a reel, of cafes and coffee shops that I may stop by a little later. I ask myself to slow down, and to not think so far ahead already. I breathe in deeply and blink a few times trying to be present in this moment. Among the raindrops, on the wet cemented ground, in the wet shoes and with the cool breeze that is enveloping me.

I cross the square and take to the sidewalk. I begin to enjoy the drizzle, that’s become a tad heavier than before. I see a number of black cabs zoom past. I follow the curve of the road, into the narrow alleys between tall office buildings. There are colourful umbrellas everywhere. I step into the archway that lines a large number of small and lovely take-out joints – salad bars, Thai, Indian, and Mexican take-aways, soups and sandwich joints, you name it. Most of them seem to be wrapping up, and closing for the day already. I take the tiny corridor that opens the archway onto the road perpendicular, joining the main street. Traffic here is heavy, but orderly still for a Friday afternoon. I cross the street at the signal and take to the sidewalk at the other end.

Walking on the main streets in central London can sometimes feel like a quick time-travelling exercise. Each corner turns into a different landscape, a different era. The Victorian church-spires and cathedral domes stand tall among the new glass skyscrapers and high-rises. London’s architecture and skyline are perhaps a testimony to how we can adapt to changing times while retaining some of our old self intact, within. Deep in thought, I stand at a corner and capture the views into my phone-camera. I decide to take sepia prints of it later, when I get home.

The drizzle has finally taken a pause. I walk some more, and wonder if the sun will show up. The forecast says clear weather for the rest of the evening. Wanting some tea now, I google the nearest cafe and make my way there. It’s abuzz with people but not crowded, thankfully. I order a chai-latte and pick a corner seat. I finally pull out the book I carried in my bag all week in the hope of catching a read, lay it on the table; mix some sugar into my tea and settle in for a cozy time. The light music they are playing in the cafe adds to the mood and I begin to tap my fingers on the table.

Tip-tap, tip-tap-tap, tip-tip-tap, tip-tap-tip-tip-tap-tap… when I suddenly hear ‘Ramya, can you help me with something?’. I recognise the voice but I find it tough to place it here. And, I hear my name being called out again. I look to my right and it’s my intern, looking at me possibly as quizzically as I am looking at her right now. I sit up quickly and look around, look down at my hands on the table and it dawns upon me. Taking my face into my hands, I burst into a laughter and look up to say ‘Hi!’ to my intern again. She smiles but from the way she is looking at me, she probably thinks I am part-crazy. Or, fully maybe!

After I help her with the query, I glance at my watch. 2:25pm, on the same Friday afternoon. How easily the mind wanders, I think to myself. How our mind weaves reality with wishful thinking and paints the picture we want to be a part of, within minutes! And, that’s the brilliance of the power of imagination.

I drop a text to my husband soon afterwards, ‘Meet me at the stairs outside your office building. We are going for a walk in the city this evening!’.

SAM_0409

Life Lessons by Lake Windermere

We were almost on our way to Annecy, in France when on a whim we decided to make our celebratory trip more cozy, less travel-intensive, and closer to nature. The last bit is an exaggeration actually, but I will say that the idea of staying by the side of a lake, that is flanked by vast green fields, some fells, forests and small hills was very appealing.

We quickly researched online, rejoiced at those positive reviews and well, before we knew it, we had booked ourselves a relaxing long august weekend in the Lake District of UK!

And now that I’ve sat down to write about it, I realise there isn’t a lot to tell you. Except that, the lake was so serene in the mornings I could see my reflection gazing back at me as pleasantly surprised as I was at first while forming it! Except that, the hotel was so immaculately preserved (since its 17th century origins!) that I was afraid of touching of its richly decorated furniture lest I spoil it, you know. Except that, when it rained all through Saturday night, I sat and listened to the rain drops falling (on my head; remember the song?) on those leaves in the grand verandah there, lit by lamps and candles alone and I lost track of time. Except that, their breakfast spread was so mouth-watering and sumptuous that I could eat it for all three meals happily! Except that, their reading room is what I’d one day like my study to look like, period. Except that, I woke up to sheep in my backyard, calmly nibbling over the lawns until someone softly whistled them out from there. Terrible that I was so lost in the moment I forgot to capture the scene into my phone. Oh, and except that, if you want to spend a leisure (semi)luxurious holiday with your loved one, Lakeside by Lake Windermere in the Lake District is the place to be! I know, too many lakes but trust me once you reach there, you won’t get enough of them.

Leave any holiday planning to me and I will pack the days & nights with so many touristy activities that I may need a holiday to get over my holiday hangover (read more like fatigue!). What can I do! The twitterverse is to blame, you see; with so many beautiful photos and articles all over, I do not want to miss out having gone so close. But, those 3 days by Lake Windermere proved very different. And, it reminded me of something I had read a few months ago: The need for an empty space, a pause, is something we have all felt in our bones; it’s the rest in a piece of music that gives it resonance and shape ~ Pico Iyer (of course, who else!).

So as we wined and dined under the chandelier; as we walked on the morning dew and laughed; as we sat in the sunshine and felt the wind in our hair, I realised it’s good to not rush through the moment in the hope to capture it all, instead to enclose the present moment, to make it stay, to fill it fuller and fuller, until it shone, whole and bright, only to softly let it go and move on to the next moment. In other words, I realised it’s good to slow down every once in a while! To pause; to reflect; to just breathe and be. It is not just healthy for your heart and head, it helps in ways only time can show you and soul can understand.

***

Have you been to the Lake District? How was your experience, I’d love to hear your versions as much! And if you haven’t paid it a visit, I insist that you do – I know you will love it! There is enough information online about tourism of this area so I won’t bore you with any details. I will say one thing though, keeping 3-4days to soak in the place will be a wise choice.

***

Four Things I’m Still Old School About

“Ask Google!” is possibly the most common piece of advice we get these days. It speaks volumes of how far technology has come to make our lives depend on a few click of a buttons. Sure, some things are easy to do now; some we didn’t imagine until a few decades back are now possible. The smartphones, iPads and tablets are ~~like~~ our personal secretaries, reminding us of birthdays, anniversaries, helping book appointments, saving articles, making reading on-the-go doable, play music whenever we want. And all that is great! Really, no sarcasm.

And no, this is not an essay here in support of these advancements or even to question whether they are making us dumber and less social in the real world. For, I haven’t got an answer to such a complicated question! I wish I knew better though.

The reason I started to write this piece is because of a quiet thought that made its home in my mind the other evening. As I was walking back home from work, I started to make a mental list of things I still do the old-fashioned way. I mean, without using any form of smart-technology, whatsoever. Not many came through, but these are definitely the ones I am very particular about!

1. Post-Its & Notepads For Messages/Reminders/Lists

The habit of leaving notes behind goes back to my parents. They used to write cute ones for me, when leaving for a business tour in the wee hours or stepping out to the near-by pharmacy during my afternoon nap and so on! And it has now evolved to keeping them posted on the kitchen shelf, back of the main door sometimes, even on the pillow on special occasions! Some hang on the PC at work too, reminding me of deadlines or things-to-do. Grocery list is always made on a notepad that stays on the coffee-table. I cannot do without a small dose of writing dow my lists for the day!

2. A Travel Journal Is An Absolute Necessity

No matter how many pictures you click, you need words to seal the memories in forever. won’t you agree? I always carry a small diary with me, it allows me to jot down thoughts, poems, emotions and memories that cross my mind. Notes in my iPhone never evoke the same, for me. Colloquial usages, names of local ingredients in food, fancy street names, of that fruit seller who gave you his bit of the history of the place – it helps to remember all of that, so much more clearly in the quiet of my home and makes for a better blog post too, you know!

3. Books Should Be Made Of Paper, Only

I have never been a fan of downloading and storing bytes of e-books! While in college, I absolutely avoided studying from PDFs on my laptop. It’s no wonder how much time I spent in the library there. And might I say, it shouldn’t be very surprising to find out the first piece of furniture we bought together for our home is a beautiful tall bookcase! Kindle maybe be as good as holding a hundred books in your hands, but it can never attach the excitement the smell of a fresh book does!

4. Shopping Is For All The Senses

I am surely the one to first feel the fabric, try it on next and feel good in it while looking into the mirror before finally deciding to make the purchase. Online shopping for clothes is a definite no-no for me. And, it sort of extends to other things as well. Other than the occasional ordering of a bouquet, I hardly find myself spending money online. I have to see it, touch it, feel it all. And who does not love carrying lovely shopping bags home!

***

What are the things you are still old school about? Do any of these figure? Tell me about them!

***

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this: